Kentucky Basketball Memory: A true story

This is NOT a photo of the game, but it is where hoop dreams begin in Kentucky…

By unpopular demand, I was once asked to post my narrative notes on another “platform” regarding a JV HS basketball game that I actually witnessed…yes, it actually happened. I’m not creative enough to make this up.

The Backstory:
It’s a strange phenomenon but when certain subcultures get around hardwood floors and inflated round balls…the wood and balls seem to give some of them an “inflated sense of omniscience” regarding the game of…basketball. It appears to give a select few delusions about being “all knowing and all seeing.”

Act I:
Two JV teams “M” and “J” were vying for the grand “regional championship” after having split two regular season games. The boys, naturally, started to get a wee bit competitive with one another. Suddenly, team “M” provided many “J” fans with an exciting opportunity to witness the first flagrant foul called for the season. This led to some nasty yelling from “M” parents. Coach and players from “M” team joined in and got “T’d up.” This provided “J” fans with an even more exciting opportunity to see their team possibly score five points with no time on the clock. Alas, “J” made 4-5 shots…with no time on the clock.

Act II:
“J” team kept getting calls, steals and lots of points for 20+ lead. “M” team/parents got more and more sore and (and nasty). Finally…semi-violent foul led to an “M” player getting ejected. Nastiness. Some “M” fans started telling “J” fans to “shut up.” Ejected “M” player tried to sit quietly in stands. But referee insisted player leave venue. A Granny started yelling. “Go back to umpire school!!!” (Didn’t have the heart to explain to her that…never mind…I was on the other side of the gym anyway.) Ejected “M” player’s parent/guardian started verbalizing euphemisms at officials. And THEN the principals made their move. Grandpa (obviously… attired in KY Hwy Safety vest…bright yellow) followed ejected parent/player with slight limp. As he stood courtside, Grandpa proceeded to valiantly give everyone in the gym the other half of the peace sign with grand arm gesture. Made mention of refs’ maternal heritage.  Granny kept screaming for more training for refs. Other elderly folks joined in the peaceful, yet vocal protest.

Act III:
Large man (approx 5’6″ 418 lbs) began admonishing refs with choice words. He was NOT using his “inside voice.” Refs indicated man MUST leave venue. Large man was defiant in a static position. Principals were called upon and walk authoritatively to area where large man had become athletic event squatter (and now other seemingly irate fans) were defying the principals, too. Large man boldly asked principal if he thought he was “big enough” to make him leave. Principal said “no” but knew some people who were. (IF you are trying to visualize this scene…think “Star Wars: Episode 6” when Han Solo stands in judgment before Jabba the Hut.)  Suddenly…a lone, stout Caucasian woman boldly walked onto the basketball court. The universe stops. Amazonian Caucasian woman walked directly to “M” coach and told him he needed to frickin’ “man up” and start standing up for “the team and them boys” or else she was gonna take her boy from the game. NOW…there was LOTS more yelling from fans. MEAN yelling. UGLY yelling. Meanwhile, kindly African American man quietly approached principal on other side of gym and explained that the stout woman was his wife…but said she never listened to him.

Act IV:
Hallelujah…uniformed officers arrived!!! Maybe we could play basketball again. Large “M” fan slowly exited venue under direction of law officers. Bleachers shuttered with each pronounced step. Subdued cheers from “J” fans. Meanwhile, back to the game…it got way more exciting than it really should, probably because of all the distractions. “J” team lost 20+ lead down to single digits…two possessions! YAY…”J” holds strong and wins. Cops moved through crowds questioning suspects, one of whom yelled, among other things, “…it’s dang time y’all heard the truth!!!”  I kept anxiously waiting for someone in authority to say, “Show’s over. There’s nothing here to see. Keep moving.” But at that exact moment, we later learned, an imposing “M” female fan was accosting a peace-loving “J” housewife with small child in …the bathroom…in the middle of…oh, I still can’t go there. Minor assault occurred (well, in legal terms anyway).

Next week the “J” Freshman team was supposed to be playing the “M” team at the “M” gym for the “regional JV tournament”… Spoke to one of my friends in law enforcement. Asked him where he was when we needed him. Informed me he was on the force in “M” county for three years.  He said that what we experienced was not an anomaly…it was a way of life.

Cops is filmed on location with the men and women of law enforcement. All suspects are innocent until proven guilty. Bad fans, bad fans, whatcha gonna do…whatcha gonna do when they come for you…